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Privacy Policy

Your Email Address-
The Captain will only send you his newsletter if you opted in to receive it. You may opt out at any time if getting it drives you crazy. The email address you provide upon checkout is for communication pertaining to your order only and will be used to contact you for that purpose. In other words, you do not opt in to the newsletter by providing your email address on checkout.

Personal and Anonymous Information:
The Captain collects personal information only when you voluntarily provide it and is NEVER sold to third parties. This includes info like: Name, billing address, shipping address, email address, etc. This info is of course necessary to process your order and will only be used for those purposes. Your credit card number is NOT stored on his server. Anonymous information is collected as you browse the site...stuff like your browser type, the URL from the previous web site you visited, your ISP, etc. This information never has your personal info attached to it and is collected by pretty much any site you visit online. This anonymous information helps The Captain to improve your next visit to his site.

Your Security-
The Captain uses industry standard best practices to protect your electronic information. He uses SSL encryption for all of the personal data you enter when placing an order. He has also taken appropriate security measures to protect against the loss, misuse or alteration of your information at his physical addresses.

You must be this old...
Not 13 or older? Don't enter any information on The Captain's site. You are not permitted to submit any personal information to You won't get most of the funny anyway, so get a little older and come back. The Captain will be patiently waiting for you.

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